Tis the season for…braaaiiinnnsss

Fourth annual Zombie Walk ready to gnaw on your skull

October 23, 2008

I love zombies. I love Portland. And as luck would have it, in a true case of gory chocolate and campy peanut butter colliding, zombies are taking over our fair city on Sunday.

It’s called the Zombie Walk. For the fourth-straight year, local undead are encouraged to meet at Pioneer Courthouse Square at 4 p.m. Sharp. From there, the gooey masses will march (or limp or shuffle or drag their useless limbs…whatever zombies do) along a predetermined path through Portland. Last year 700 walking corpses made the trip and this time out Zombie Walk organizers are attempting to break the Guinness World Record for…what exactly? Brain consumption? Mass rigomortis? Fake blood consumption? Find out more at: www.pdxpipeline.wordpress.com/2008/10/20/portland-zombie-halloween/

It’s worth pointing out that one of the requests of the organizers is that participants DON’T arrive to the Square early. Why, you ask? Because of this: Imagine you’re a busybody shopper with your pre-holiday blinders on. You’ve got a 16-syllable coffee in one hand, your cellphone in the other and reams of shopping bags ringed on one forearm. You’re totally up your own backside when, out of the corner of your eye you spot hundreds of flesh eating zombies emerging from the cityscape. Wave after wave of undead groaning and limping and eyeballing you from empty sockets. And for just one tiny split second…you believe the end is nigh and that hell has coughed up its unwanted to conquer us living types.

And then you drop your coffee in shock and the fake zombies erupt in laughter and you feel like an ass. Isn’t that totally worth it?

Luckily, if the worst happens, I’ve read the "Zombie Survival Guide" a few times. In the words of Arnie, "Come with me if you want to live."

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