If this were a rap album this would be a shout-out. Reader beware…

So, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned in this space, I’m getting hitched this summer. To that end, along with all the other endless bits of planning and prep (food, hootch, flowers, and porta-potties!), I am having a suit tailored for me. I am 35 and this is the first time I’ve ever done this. Should I feel weird about that? I think not.

But if I was going to do this I wanted to do it right. So I went over to the fine folks at Duchess Clothier. They specialize in handmade suits from "eras past"—the kinds of un-faddy style you see on Tom Waits, or in movies like "8 1/2." These are classic bits of thread art that will never go out of style. This is perfect for me since I firmly believe that most current fashion should be torched, thrown in a dumpster, and the ashes peed upon.

Despite having never been measured so intimately before (who knew crotches and armpits were so integral to a good suit fitting?), I have thus far survived the ordeal. Mainly because the ladies at Duchess are gentle (and easy on the eyes) and not afraid of an inappropriate, mood lightening joke. They’re making a few alterations this week, but so far the finished product looks like it’s going to be fairly bad-ass. It’s a light gray, three-piece job with navy blue highlights. They even let monogram cuss words inside the breast pocket.

I shouldn’t be surprised, of course. After all, the ladies at Duchess DID tailor a suit for Old Scratch’s favorite macabre rock star, Nick Cave, an outfit he’s wearing on the cover of this month’s "Mojo" magazine. And now Duchess is taking their wares to the East Coast to try and convert the hipster masses. They’ll be in New York City on March 16th, hosting a party Veloce Club, and in D.C. on March 19th, details to come. Both visits are an effort to drum up a little business…and let’s just hope for our sake that it’s only a temporary distraction.

Polar fleece is a sickness…Duchess is the cure.