Screen shot 2015 07 16 at 10.25.11 am op3ump

Image courtesy Philpd from Creative Commons. Image cropped. 

Jim Gaffigan likes food. No wait—he loves it. So much so that America's palest comic has made gourmanderie (and its effects) the centerpiece of two books: 2013's Dad is Fat, and, this year, Food: a Love Story.

Based on what we know of the TV show star's predilections, we think Gaffigan—in town this Saturday for a show at the Schnitz—is really going to like it here. 

Steak

Gaffigan: “Steak is the tuxedo of meat….Steak has its own knives. There are steakhouses. Steak gets its own house. There’s no tunahouse.” [Food: A Love Story]

Portland: Maybe swing by the Ringside after your show? Late-night steak bites for $3.95!

Cucumbers

Gaffigan: “Just a pickle before it started drinking.” [Food: A Love Story]

Portland: We can pickle that.

Oysters

Gaffigan: “Squeeze some lemon, a little hot sauce, throw it down the back of your throat, take a shot of vodka, and try and forget you ate a snot rocket. That's not how you eat something; that's how you overdose on sleeping pills.” [“Obsessed”]

Portland: Here, we shoot snot rockets from Washington's Willapa Bay, whenever we can get our shaky hands on 'em.

Hot Dogs

Gaffigan: “Hot dogs are like strippers; no one wants to know the back story.” [“Obsessed”]

Portland: Au contraire, mon frere! We carefully source only the finest hormone-free alfresco pork 'n' beef, extrude it locally, and then Momofuku-trained chefs clothe our dogs in lamb-braised borlotti beans, herbed bread crumbs, and/or togarashi.

Ice Cream

Gaffigan: “You ever eat ice cream during the day? You're like, what are we, six years old? Did we just get our tonsils out? Why are there people around me? Shouldn't I be alone watching Lifetime?” [“Obsessed”]

Portland: The queue for Salt & Straw forms at dawn. It appears to be well-adjusted?

Kale

Gaffigan: “People talk about kale like it's a band: 'Have you heard that new album by kale?'”

Portland: Uh-oh. We have a sneaking feeling that you're going to destroy us.

 

Jim Gaffigan performs July 18 at 7 pm and 9:30 pm at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. 

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