0617 shakedown rose festival bvjh3j

↑ Upside

  • Parade-viewing turf wars give onlookers chance to feel better about own life choices
  • What else would we do with all these damn flowers?
  • Fleet Week seamen jokes still not stale
  • Every real city needs that thing locals pretend to ignore
  • C’mon, not like Royal Canadian Navy was doing much else
  • Commemorates that one time Pettygrove seduced Lovejoy on a bed of roses
  • Has improved every year since legalization

↓ Downside

  • Technically, all those roses are withering and dying
  • Budweiser Clydesdales still count as celebrity appearance
  • Thorns definitely metaphor for lack of affordable housing
  • Ground zero for pre-summer teen breakups
  • Jacobite factions refuse to recognize Rose Queen
  • No human sacrifices
  • Royal Rosarians: totally failing to be a truly sinister secret society
  • Roses really smell like poo-poo-oo
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