- Food coma jokes definitely never, ever get old, ever
- When else would you get your Fox News updates?
- No bigger treat than getting to use the nice silverware
- The one day your overdrinking doesn’t stand out
- Pilgrims had foresight to create a long weekend
- Turkeys were all asking for it anyway
- Stuffing ... all the stuffing
- No one has the guts to admit canned cranberry sauce is better than the fresh stuff
- Watching a parade in a distant city on live TV is exactly as exciting as it sounds
- Trump’s turkey pardons presumably all politically motivated
- Pilgrims sure do seem like sopping wet blankets
- Every family has that one, awful recipe tweak that involves marshmallows
- Friendsgiving still requires having friends
- What the hell did Uncle Bud just say?
- Heritage turkeys are the mean girls of the poultry world
- Sure a lotta brown food