↑ Upside

  • Payment gives sense of pride of ownership in single screw on latest F-18
  • Citizens shouldn’t be trusted with full paycheck anyway
  • Subsidizing billionaires never not rewarding
  • Even presidents pay them, we’re pretty sure
  • Only financially sound reason to have kids
  • Change two letters and get s-e-x or t-o-y
  • Better than the other sure bet, probably
  • Occasionally leads to a tea party
  • We’re sleazy for that 1040-EZ

↓ Downside

  • Detracts from glory of April’s Administrative Professionals Day
  • Meanies at H&R Block ended Ken Jennings’s Jeopardy streak
  • Normal people don’t get to do the “and spend” part
  • “Schedules” never seem to include fun activities
  • Not prorated for government shutdowns
  • Supporting wars you don’t believe in
  • Standard deduction is so basic
  • Cooler in Europe
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