↑ Upside
- More likely than average citizen to get an invite to a billionaire’s Eyes Wide Shut party
- Piling them with med school debt allows them to focus on what’s important
- Always email Portland Monthly staff with polite and respectful questions about Top Docs
- “Do no harm” philosophy doesn’t have exception for Flat-Earthers
- Always know just the right therapy to balance our black and yellow bile
- Who else will buy the Lexuses?
↓ Downside
- Somewhere along the line stopped wearing those sweet medieval bird beaks
- Waiting room entertainment remains stuck in 1987
- Don’t know anything truly useful like those philosophy PhDs
- Could easily be made obsolete if everyone just walked it off
- Constantly have to remind us what ophthalmology means
- Frequently more Scrubs than House
- Don’t actually say “Mylanta” much
- Haven’t cured death yet
Published in the Hidden Portland issue of Portland Monthly.
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