↑ Upside
- Still time to patch it up with crazy yacht-owning uncle before Blues Festival
- No one live-tweeting political conventions this time around
- Prozac prescription just ran out anyway
- Tears from people complaining about the heat oh so thirst quenching
- Summer vacation puts child labor laws in new light
- Tiny pours at summer beer fests prepare you for future rationing
- Of course no one peed in the pool
↓ Downside
- Last six months of procrastinating yard work seems like a bad idea now
- Trespassers won’t stay away from your personal public swimming holes
- Friends definitely having more fun than youÂ
- Any work absence now looks suspicious
- Shirts off for everyone! (Everyone.)
- All those Tour de France cosplayers
- Bryan Adams unlikely to memorialize this oneÂ
Published in the Beers of Summer issue of Portland Monthly.
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