Real talk: We completely understand your antipathy to the crowds of overly enthusiastic revelers that permeate the landscape on St. Patrick's Day.

On the other hand, you don't want your friends and neighbors to think you've developed agoraphobia, so perhaps a modest amount of merriment is in order this year. And we're here to point you in the right direction, so the least you could do is wear something green.  

All-Ireland Cultural Society of Oregon
Rosary Hall, 1333 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd. Sun at noon
Assume your rightful title of Irish woman or man (for the day!) and take part in this annual family-friendly Irish music fest—now in its 72nd year. National anthems will be played; celtic troupes will take the stage; corned beef and cabbage will be consumed.

Kell's Irish Festival
112 SW 2nd Ave, Portland: Fri-Sun; see website for full schedule
Perhaps nowhere is Irish pride so tangible. This Portland cultural landmark brings on another round of St. Paddy's day debauchery—featuring Ireland vs U.S.A. in amateur boxing, a.m. to a.m. pub revelry, dancing, music, and an abundance of blarney foodstuffs. 

Maher St. Patrick's Festival
352 B Ave, Lake Oswego. Thu-Sun; see website for full schedule
Maher's Pub in Lake Oswego has a four-day shamrock celebration scheduled. Bring the nippers on Saturday for family day with face painting, Irish wolfhounds, crafts, and Lucky Irish coins for all. There's even a soda bread contest! 

McMenamins
Various locations. Sun; see website for full schedule
This annual celebration promises familial revelry with live music, house Irish stout, Irish coffee cocktails, leprechauns, and heaping bowls of MacSleyne Irish stew. 

Murphy's Furniture St. Paddy's Day Parade
Hare Field, 1151 NE Grant St, Hillsboro. Sun at 9 am
This longstanding parade is a communal celebration of spring and a citywide thanks to the Washington County community. The Hillsboro Boys & Girls Club will host games for the little ones  at 9 while the parade begins at 11. 

Paddy's Irish Pub
65 SW Yamhill St. Fri-Sun; see website for full schedule
Paddy's multiday celebration kicks off with a night of bagpipes, live music, and, you bet your last gold coin, plenty of Guinness! Visit the tented street party  where Irish dancers, loads of corned beef and cabbage, and more live music than you can shake a shillelagh at will be the order of the day. The Shamrock Run finishes just outside Paddy's doors on Sunday. Family friendly until 9 nightly. A portion of proceeds go to the Children's Cancer Association. 

Portland's Official St. Paddy's Day BarCrawl
Henry's 12th Street Tavern, 10 NW 12th Ave. Fri-Sun at 11 am
Spread some spirit and gather your friends for a three-day bar crawl dedicated to funloving shenanigans reminiscent of your college days. All you'll need is a BarCrawl pass, wristband, cup, and a map. Did someone say green beer?! 

Readers Theatre Repertory
Blackfish Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave. Fri-Sat at 8
If you're inclined to pass on the pub and cabbage, indulge in a little theater with Readers Theatre Repertory's "Ireland on the Airwaves," a pair of plays by noted Irish playwright Brendan Behan. Dark wit sets the tone and the life amongst the Irish middle class sets the scene. 

A Shamrock Toast
Raven & Rose, 1331 SW Broadway. Sun; dinner at 6; music and drinks at 8 
Located in the recently refurbished Ladd Carriage House, the Raven & Rose will host a pair of events. Delight your palate with an Anglo-Irish five-courser of venison and pinot noir while rubbing elbows with the owners of Anam Cara Cellers. And if you're feeling particularly plucky and have a case of Paddy's day dry mouth, take to the Rookery Bar and clap along to live music while sipping on Jameson Irish whiskey cocktails. 

Shamrock Run
Tom McCall Waterfront Park, SW Naito Parkway & Pine Street: Sun at 8 am
Lace up your running shoes at this waterfront workout benefiting the Doernbecher Children's Hospital. You can take the kids and work off the bangers and mash.