↑ Upside

• Food coma jokes definitely never, ever get old, ever
• When else would you get your Fox News updates?
• No bigger treat than getting to use the nice silverware
• The one day your overdrinking doesn’t stand out
• Pilgrims had foresight to create a long weekend
• Turkeys were all asking for it anyway
• Stuffing ... all the stuffing

↓ Downside

• No one has the guts to admit canned cranberry sauce is better than the fresh stuff
• Watching a parade in a distant city on live TV is exactly as exciting as it sounds
• Trump’s turkey pardons presumably all politically motivated
• Pilgrims sure do seem like sopping wet blankets
• Every family has that one, awful recipe tweak that involves marshmallows
• Friendsgiving still requires having friends
• What the hell did Uncle Bud just say?
• Heritage turkeys are the mean girls of the poultry world
• Sure a lotta brown food