This just in:

WinCo Foods on SE 82nd Avenue is selling boxes of Kellogg’s Corn Flakes and Frosted Flakes bearing the likeness of pothead Olympic hero Michael Phelps for a paltry 98¢ apiece! It’s definitely worth the drive to stock up on something that could become a collector’s item in fifty to seventy-five years. Think Billy Beer or Y2K flashlights. And if the apocalypse hits before then, you’ll have a ready supply of quality breakfast cereal to fortify you while fighting off the flesh-eating mutant hordes. Better hurry, they’re not going to last long.