It’s time to start planning your summer for real: the Portland Pickles have released their schedule of themed promo nights, and tickets are for sale. While the Pickles are famous for such only-in-Portland events as a celebration of the Oregon Coast’s exploding whale, the 2024 schedule is, according to the team’s press release, “unprecedented” and “more insane.” Who are we to argue?

The wood-bat collegiate team kicks off its ninth season (including a pandemic stint in its own upstart league in 2020) on May 31, but preseason games (and promos) start May 28, with Educator Appreciation Night. That sounds wholesome, but vice appears later in the summer, with the sixth annual beer festival Picklefest and Strip City Night celebrating Portland’s world-leader status in strip clubs per capita. Ten bucks says mayoral candidate (and onetime Portland Monthly contributor) Viva Las Vegas throws out the first pitch.

The local vibes continue with Rent in PDX Is Too Damn High event, Portland > Seattle, Lents Neighborhood Night, and Keep Portland Weird Night (though, really, that could be most every promo night). Musical themes include “Grateful Dill,” the officially lowercase “emo night,” “Dilly Parton,” and an evening dedicated to Portugal. The Man, while Simpsons and Monty Python events bring pop culture offerings.

Dogs get in free for weekly Woof Wednesdays, so it’s a good thing the zoo animal promotion is on a Saturday. Other weekly events include Little Leaguer Sundays (half-price admission for kids in Little League baseball or softball), Tattoo Tuesdays (when you can get a real pickle tattoo…if you dare), and Rockin’ the Walk Fridays, with live music before the game from “emerging” bands.

Dillon T. Pickle, the team’s seven-foot-tall mascot (not to be confused with Hillsboro Hops mascot Barley T. Hop) is not to be trusted with the team’s social media. Anyone who remembers exactly why that is will not be surprised to see numerous promo plans involving the nether regions: Cropdust (Fart) Night, Weiner Night, and maybe-they-mean-astronomy Spacepix 2: Journal to Uranus.

Here’s the full schedule. Find more details and tickets on the Pickles website.

• May 28: Educator Appreciation Night
• May 29: Heart Health Night
• May 30: Dillon Night
• May 31: Home Opener Celebration
• June 1: Dillon’s Drag Race (presented by Darcelle XV)
• June 2: Lents Neighborhood Night
• June 3: Pac-2 Memorial Night
• June 4: Cheeeeeeeese Night
• June 5: Portland > Seattle Night
• June 11: Evel Kniev-Dill Night
• June 12: Firefighter Appreciation
• June 13: Portugal. The Man Night
• June 16: Dillon’s Daddy (Father’s) Day
• June 18: Portland Wrestling Night
• June 19: Juneteenth Celebration
• June 20: Party Like It’s 1999
• June 21: Grateful Dill/Tie-Dye Night
• June 22: Zoo Animal Night
• June 23: Science Fair Night
• June 28: emo night.
• June 29: Picklefest (Beerfest)
• June 30: Monty Python & The Holy Dill
• July 2: Humans vs. Robot Night
• July 3: Dillon’s Presidential Cockus
• July 4: Fourth of July (Day Game)
• July 4: ’Merica Night
• July 5: Rent in PDX Is Too Damn High
• July 6: Strip City Night
• July 7: Dilly Parton Night
• July 12–14: State Fair Weekend!
• July 16: Pride Night
• July 17: Weiner Night
• July 23: Simpsons Night
• July 24: Spanish Heritage Night
• July 25: Soccer City USA Night
• July 26: Night Night ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
• July 27: Spacepix 2: Journal to Uranus
• July 28: Pickleball Night
• Aug 2: Trail Blazers Night
• Aug 3: Cropdust (Fart) Night
• Aug 4: Tour de Portland
• Aug 6: Mascot Olympics
• Aug 7: Keep Portland Weird Night
• Aug 8: Fan Appreciation Night