Here at the Culturephile blog, there’s always more art than we can cover. And something like the Fertile Ground Festival, a ten-day cornucopia of 70 performance works, could metaphorically plow us under if we took the old preview/review approach. So we decided to let the upcoming performances speak for themselves, by asking playwrights to pick a favorite line—a hilarious outburst, an absurd non-sequitur, or even a profound philosophical truth. Here’s what they said:

“What happens to the dreams of the dead?”
Immaterial Matters, by Steve Patterson

“You put your eye up to the glory hole, you’re going to get a poke in the eye.”
Death of the Party, by Sven Bonnichsen

“If you enjoy adaptations of the classics, you are sure to appreciate Undeath of a Salesman, a timely retelling of Arthur Miller’s great American tragedy featuring Willy Loman as a zombie.”
Spoused, by Mark Saunders

“I can chop down trees with one hand and no axe.”
Captured By Aliens (improvised line by actor)

“I have no qualms about hurting you. I want to know who you are, why you’re here, and why I have two mutilated corpses in the other room.”
Krueger, by Zack Calhoon

“Because the only thing stronger than gravity is the heart.”
That Was the River, This Is the Sea, by Claire Willett & Gilberto Martin del Campo

“Food can hear you. It hears what you’re thinking. A master chef will tell you, cuisine prepared by an angry man tastes different than food prepared by a man who’s at peace.”
Yarp?!, by Jeremy Benjamin

“We’re already in Hell; it’s the rage! Millions upon millions are flocking in, escaping secretly into their designer drugs – manufactured pharmaceuticals for manufactured conditions.”
Losing Ground in the Big City, by Don Teeters

“It’s just who you do, and for what reason, that changes. It’s the same game everywhere.”
Bridgetown, A Musical, by Karen Alexander-Brown

“I told him his choice was between me and artificial flavors and preservatives, and just look what the bastard picked!”
Food For Thought, by Rich Rubin

“If you want to stop and smell the roses it’s going to cost you $5.”
Stories: From the Streets, by Ann Singer from Lunacy Stageworks

“The words in my head are morphing, like the eternal is talking back: rescue the kernel of the sacred diurnal, go journal, journal, journal.”
Reality Lit, by Molly Tinsley

“I’d lit a bunch of fires and for some reason my parents thought I should go to a mental institution to ‘re-think things.’”
Galaxy Blink, by Francesca Sanders

“Believe it or not, it’s a beautiful summer day. The sun is still there, it’s just got some nasty ash blocking it.”
The Missing Pieces, by Nick Zagone

“Why you not come Viet Nam? We need teachers.”
Threads: The True Story of an Indiana Farm Girl in Viet Nam, by Tonya Jone Miller

“Why would anyone want to rape you?”
Hello My Name Is, by Jenni Miller

“The Elements Pack actually transfers you to a ‘sandbox’ alternative dimension. It allows you to observe, record, and interact with a past-like experience, but you will be unable to ‘save’ any changes.”
Maxima Vrugleplex, by Liz Argall and Brian Allard

“Watching Vivian was like watching grease spatter on a floor you were about to walk across: You knew every step would be slippery, especially the first one.”
Noir(ish): A New Breed of Detective Story, by Evan Guilford-Blake

“Listen, dogs fight all the time. ‘Cruelty’ is taking their nature away from them. Be like making it illegal for dogs to eat grass, barf on the carpet and eat it again.”
Bitch, by Sean Pomposello

“Growing up, my holy trinity was never The Father, The Son and The Holy Ghost. No, it was Bob Barker, Casey Kasem and Andy Rooney.”
Triskaidekaphilia (Just My Luck), by Jimmy Radosta

“You think I was looking forward to spending three months in Sri Lanka with a twenty-three-year-old, un-bankable cokehead with multiple diplomas from Betty Ford and AA?”
The A List, by Dalene Young

“‘Cause, you know, I get paid a helluva lot more than five measly dollars to play that game. And you know I have. Lots of times. With all the pie-faced, pious-assed, fascist aholes in Chicago who think they better than me and prove the opposite just ‘cause they is with me."
Street Corner Profit, by John Servilio

“I want your paws in my mouth.”
99 Ways To F*ck A Swan, by Kimberly Rosenstock

“They’re dropping Armageddon any minute and you’re standing there talking about teeth?!”
Sundowners, by Cassidy Barnes

“My relationship with Facebook has gotten complicated.”
Smarter Than Phones, by Sara Fay Goldman

“Jesus Christ, I was almost born in a glove compartment!”
David Saffert’s Birthday Bashstravaganza!, by David Saffert

“It’s lovely how my thoughts meander. It reminds me of a stream. Not a huge river or a bounding ocean, but a little teeny weeny brook sort of winding in and out of a forest.”
My Mind Is Like An Open Meadow, by Erin Leddy

“Snow only stays beautiful for what seems like a minute…then everything gets dirty and that’s what life’s all about.”
The Shadow Testament, by Susan Mach

“Maureen says civilization couldn’t possibly exist without clothing. ‘Imagine,’ she says, ‘greeting your guests at the door wearing nothing at all!’…‘I’ve done that,’ I say.”
All Together, by John Servilio

“Time is a dominatrix.”
Past :Perfect, by Ellen West

“And pianos don’t like the shore.”
Suburban Tribe, by Kate Mura

The Fertile Ground Festival runs from Jan 20-30 at various venues. For other upcoming arts events, visit PoMo’s Arts & Entertainment Calendar!