The Perfect Party: January 2012

The guests we’d most like at our dinner table this month.

December 23, 2011 Published in the January 2012 issue of Portland Monthly

THE OCCUPY ROOSTER The riveting street theater between police and the protesters of Occupy Portland found the perfect absurdist hero when an activist loosed a rooster right in front of The Man’s lines. This avian intruder made the fracas seem much more local and sustainable. Comrade Rooster, please help yourself to the organic birdseed liberated by our freegan friends. You are the 99 percent.

ERYN JONES As hoops fans who agonized before the Blazers’ Christmas return, we’re delighted to pull out a chair for Jones, a Portland State guard who poured in her 1,000th career point right when basketball was supposed to start. Eryn, bring up any table-talk subject you like—except revenue sharing!

DAVID GIUNTOLI Frothy witches’ brew for the NBC show Grimm’s leading man. This Portland-filmed—and set (take that, Leverage!)—reworking of old fairy tales made good use of our soggy scenery. Wait till David hears our vampire-Zoobombers idea. It has Emmy Award written all over it.

SEYED ALAVI This California artist better show for supper, after he teased the whole metro area by proposing (then withdrawing) a 30-foot sculpture of a deer with a child’s face for a Milwaukie light rail station. Some locals didn’t seem too keen on Alavi’s colossus, but we were eager to bow down this interspecies icon. Seyed, try the venison—it’s at least half-baked.

LARIVIERE’S FEDORA We had a table debate over whether to invite ousted University of Oregon president Richard Lariviere, but we agreed on his headgear. “The Hat”—beloved in Eugene and by rich alumni—got axed for shoving UO to the front of the buffet line for both independence and faculty raises, defying, among others, the governor. (Dude, he ain’t Phil Knight, but we did elect him.) We’ll take the fashion but leave the flying elbows!

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