Yes, it’s true that I once chugged down a Twinkie-and-rum milkshake and lived to tell the tale. But even with my reputation as a daredevil drinker hanging in the balance, I must announce that there are some lines I will not cross. May I direct your attention to this placard in the window of Barracuda that’s undoubtedly used to promote sensible consumption.

Skittles and vodka? Nope, not gonna do it, drinking buddies. That is, unless I see some serious cash or I get triple-dog dared and presented with a signed petition. And even then I won’t feel good about it.