Friends in town? It’s whose birthday? Head to Mississippi, and start at Victoria (4835 N Albina Ave). You’ll be at your best (sober) for the photo booth, and you can make a classy start with a fancy cocktail. That all goes out the window after a brief jaunt to Prost (4237 N Mississippi Ave). German Pilsner in hand—in varying sizes of dimpled glass jugs, all too big—you’ll mix with a somewhat rowdy crowd. What did you expect? It’s a tight-quartered German beer hall. If that’s not your scene, skip it, and head next door to the Rambler (4202 N Mississippi Ave). The big pink converted house is mostly about the covered wraparound patio and the very necessary abundance of firepits and heaters. Get an order of tornado potatoes if you need to put something in your stomach and try not to zone out watching silent movies on the TV behind the bar. Interurban (4005 N Mississippi Ave) is a few doors down. Stop off at the moody two-story cocktail bar if you have a thing for extensive whiskey collections, or to grab one of the fancy Jell-O shots. Take a right out the door and follow the crowds of people; by this point, they’re all going to Bar Bar (3943 N Mississippi Ave). They make a decent burger, and it’s a good spot to hang out on a sunny afternoon, but the sprawling patio and dozen or so picnic tables on the sidewalk of this busy strip are sure to be packed on a weekend night, especially if a show is letting out from the adjoined concert venue, Mississippi Studios. If it’s too crowded there, or you’re after a trippy night cap, stumble over to The Uncanny (3560 N Mississippi Ave), a cocktail bar fit for a David Lynch set. Sweet dreams.

Kick off your night at longstanding dive The Vern (2622 SE Belmont St) which  stands out not for its food, drink, or smoke-filled patio, but for its interior of velvet booths and orange pleather-coated chairs that screams ’70s Goodwill finds. For a little excitement, you can pop across the street to The Nest (2715 SE Belmont St), which is teeming with activities for buzzed-up folks: ping-pong, pool, and maybe even an open mic. Get a little fresh air and walk a few blocks down to the recently opened ’70s-themed Sugar Hill (3348 SE Belmont St), where you might catch a DJ set while noshing on a drive-through-style cheeseburger, or if you’re of the vegan persuasion, head down the street to The Sweet Hereafter (3326 SE Belmont St) for a tallboy and a buffalo soy curl sub. Close out the night with one of the many beers on tap at the Triple Nickel Pub (3646 SE Belmont St, Ste 4326) and maybe a little video lottery, billiards, or Skee-Ball. —Katherine Chew Hamilton

Your tour de force of binge drinking starts at The Fields (1139 NW 11th Ave), with a luxurious meal and a cocktail before making your way south to Life of Riley’s (300 NW 10th Ave) basement bar where you can crack a few Rainier tallboys on the cheap and lose a few games of pool. After you’ve tacked on a good buzz, head downtown and sip something slightly more refined (the red ale, or even a glass of top shelf Scotch whisky, of which they have many) at Kell’s Irish Pub (112 SW Second Ave). Your stomach is growling again, but you see the Blazers are in a tight one with only minutes to play, so you head to The Independent (225 SW Broadway, Ste 100) to belly up to the bar for a basket of fries and its myriad TVs. We lose the game on a buzzer-beating three-pointer, and it’s time to drown your sorrows with more tallboys while you catch that yet-to-be-discovered band you followed on Instagram last week at Kelly’s Olympian (426 SW Washington St). Reveling in the bar’s neon glow, you befriend the band’s drummer who you take to Momo’s (725 SW 10th Ave) for a final few rounds while smoking cigarettes on the back patio despite the fact that you don’t smoke. —Sam Stites

To kick off this day-long haul of cheap beer and greasy snacks, make your way to Yur’s Bar and Grill (9717 NW 16th Ave) and settle into a booth for a thoroughly greasy, yet delectable American breakfast complete with a breakfast shot—equal parts Irish whiskey and butterscotch schnapps chased with a glass OJ; it tastes just like a stack of pancakes. Next you’re going to hit Burnside for a round at Marathon Taverna (1735 W Burnside St) where you can keep track of the various bets you made the night before on the three-dozen TVs scattered throughout the premises. Wallow over your losses with a pink lemonade and a Jell-O shot or two before heading to Silver Dollar Pizza Co (501 NW 21st Ave) for a slice while you challenge your mate to a round of ping-pong. By now it’s getting later in the day, so pop into Twenty First Ave Kitchen and Bar (721 NW 21st Ave) because it’s never too early to get your name on the list for karaoke (if you show up after 9 p.m. don’t even try). Now that you’ve done your best Donald Fagen impression belting out “Peg,” it’s time to sink deep into a booth at Joe's Cellar (1332 NW 21st Ave) for a few craft brews and take over the jukebox for the next hour. Finish off the evening playing pool on the back patio at the Paymaster Lounge (1020 NW 17th Ave). Bonus points if you nab a fake mustache or a “misfortune cookie” from one of the vending machines. —SS

Gather the gang at the dependable Dots Cafe (2521 SE Clinton St), whose vibe sits somewhere between dive bar and diner. Then, it’s off to Reel M Inn (2430 SE Division St), a tiny, vaguely nautical bar that serves some of the best fried chicken and jojos in town—if you’re willing to wait. You are. Then take a stroll along Division, stopping midway at The Richmond Bar (3203 SE Division St) for cocktails best sipped while lounging on the leather banquette seats. Further east on Division sits Cat’s Paw Saloon (3565 SE Division St), a wood-walled hideaway serving colorful cocktails and tallboys alike. And it’s only appropriate that you finish the night at The End (3522 SE Division St), a newly opened spot with fancy draft cocktails and souped-up Cup Noodles from the same folks who brought you beloved hotel bar Hey Love. —KCH