Portland Monthly's Super Bowl Predictions

Sunday's Big Game is only a few days away. We asked our staff to pick the winner.

By Portland Monthly Staff January 29, 2014

On Sunday, February 2, the Denver Broncos will face the Seattle Seahawks in Super Bowl XLVIII at a frigid MetLife Stadium in New Jersey. The matchup does not lack for riveting storylines—the resurgence of legendary quarterback Peyton Manning, the inspiring success of Seattle's diminutive Russell Wilson, and, of course, the Red Hot Chili Peppers' triumphant return to relevance during the halftime show.

So we asked our editorial staff (sports nuts and illiterates alike) to identify the keys to the Big Game. Here's what they said:

Winner?   Why?
Rachel Ritchie (Executive Editor) Because I just discovered Richard Sherman and I can't get enough. A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of a sheep… indeed.
Zach Dundas (Executive Editor) Peyton Manning story arc / God wants the Colts owner to suffer.
Kate Madden (Art Director) The Broncos will win because the complementary color scheme of their uniforms is a much stronger color statement than the wimpy analogous color scheme of the Seahawks' uniforms. 
Aaron Scott (Arts & Culture Editor)   While the Bronco is a much larger animal, it has no means of lashing back at the Seahawk. Inevitably, the Seahawk will peck out the Broncos eyes and then kill it with a thousand tiny puncture wounds (which, should the Seahawk stop from boredom or particular cruelty, will undoubtedly get infected, killing the blind Bronco slowly).
Marty Patail (Associate Editor) It's all about the intangibles. And as much as I dislike Seattle's sports teams, QB Russell Wilson is just too gosh darn likeable
Mike Novak (Art Director) They're not Seattle, and I'm constitutionally forbidden from rooting for a Seattle team.
Eden Dawn (Style Editor)  Obviously the Seahawks are going to win because they are birds that can swim too, right? Wait, isn't that penguins? Well that's probably better because penguins always wear tuxedos and are ready for any occasion. Also, what's the Super Bowl?
Ben Tepler (Contributing Food Writer) Everything I've heard about Peyton Manning from second, third, and fourth-hand anecdotes leads me to believe he is capable of bringing the Broncos to victory. Besides, rooting for the Seahawks seems like a betrayal for anyone who watches (Association) football
Allison Jones (Web Editor)  Seattle's offense revolves around their running game (5th best yards per game in NFL), and Denver has the best run defense in the league. Defensive teams tend to fare better in championship games—plus Denver has the best quarterback and receivers in the game.
Kelly Clarke (Senior Editor) Because they can swoop and dive and catch their prey in their mighty talons.
Everyone loses. Margaret Seiler (Copyeditor)  Already a football nonbeliever, I watched the Frontline episode chronicling the research on damage found in the brains of dead football players, even one as young as 18. Really, the only good that can come of all this is when the NFL figures out that the only way for it to get out of paying the piper is to throw all its political and financial will into a campaign for a universal, single-payer health care system for the United States, and to use its powerful marketing machine to sway its fans, too.
Karen Brooks (Food Editor & Critic) Rock crushes scissors. Good D crushes Good O. Plus, Seattle has better food. And … we want Paul Allen to be in a good mood. (Apologies to my brother, who lives in Denver.) 
 "THREEVE" Brian Barker (Contributing Editor) [For explanation, click here and skip to 5:00']

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