The Shakedown

What's the Deal with Portland Summer?

Serving up hot takes on our city's greatest season.

By Marty Patail June 12, 2017 Published in the July 2017 issue of Portland Monthly

0717 shakedown summer xgofp8

↑ Upside

  • Still time to patch it up with crazy yacht-owning uncle before Blues Festival
  • No one live-tweeting political conventions this time around
  • Prozac prescription just ran out anyway
  • Tears from people complaining about the heat oh so thirst quenching
  • Summer vacation puts child labor laws in new light
  • Tiny pours at summer beer fests prepare you for future rationing
  • Of course no one peed in the pool

↓ Downside

  • Last six months of procrastinating yard work seems like a bad idea now
  • Trespassers won’t stay away from your personal public swimming holes
  • Friends definitely having more fun than you 
  • Any work absence now looks suspicious
  • Shirts off for everyone! (Everyone.)
  • All those Tour de France cosplayers
  • Bryan Adams unlikely to memorialize this one 
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