↑ Upside

• More likely than average citizen to get an invite to a billionaire’s Eyes Wide Shut party
• Piling them with med school debt allows them to focus on what’s important
• Always email Portland Monthly staff with polite and respectful questions about Top Docs
• “Do no harm” philosophy doesn’t have exception for Flat-Earthers
• Always know just the right therapy to balance our black and yellow bile
• Who else will buy the Lexuses?

↓ Downside

• Somewhere along the line stopped wearing those sweet medieval bird beaks
• Waiting room entertainment remains stuck in 1987
• Don’t know anything truly useful like those philosophy PhDs
• Could easily be made obsolete if everyone just walked it off
• Constantly have to remind us what ophthalmology means
• Frequently more Scrubs than House
• Don’t actually say “Mylanta” much
• Haven’t cured death yet