↑ Upside

• Payment gives sense of pride of ownership in single screw on latest F-18
• Citizens shouldn’t be trusted with full paycheck anyway
• Subsidizing billionaires never not rewarding
• Even presidents pay them, we’re pretty sure
• Only financially sound reason to have kids
• Change two letters and get s-e-x or t-o-y
• Better than the other sure bet, probably
• Occasionally leads to a tea party
• We’re sleazy for that 1040-EZ

↓ Downside

• Detracts from glory of April’s Administrative Professionals Day
• Meanies at H&R Block ended Ken Jennings’s Jeopardy streak
• Normal people don’t get to do the “and spend” part
• “Schedules” never seem to include fun activities
• Not prorated for government shutdowns
• Supporting wars you don’t believe in
• Standard deduction is so basic
• Cooler in Europe