The Shakedown

Tax Day Is Upon Us. This Again?

To fund or not to fund the government?

By Portland Monthly Staff March 26, 2019 Published in the April 2019 issue of Portland Monthly

↑ Upside

  • Payment gives sense of pride of ownership in single screw on latest F-18
  • Citizens shouldn’t be trusted with full paycheck anyway
  • Subsidizing billionaires never not rewarding
  • Even presidents pay them, we’re pretty sure
  • Only financially sound reason to have kids
  • Change two letters and get s-e-x or t-o-y
  • Better than the other sure bet, probably
  • Occasionally leads to a tea party
  • We’re sleazy for that 1040-EZ

↓ Downside

  • Detracts from glory of April’s Administrative Professionals Day
  • Meanies at H&R Block ended Ken Jennings’s Jeopardy streak
  • Normal people don’t get to do the “and spend” part
  • “Schedules” never seem to include fun activities
  • Not prorated for government shutdowns
  • Supporting wars you don’t believe in
  • Standard deduction is so basic
  • Cooler in Europe
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