The Swimming Hole Code of Conduct

Or, how not to infuriate your fellow bathers.

By Portland Monthly Staff July 12, 2016 Published in the August 2016 issue of Portland Monthly

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Music. Put away the speakers. We are not in the wilderness to be reminded of Flo Rida’s good fortune.

Scent. Heavy perfume is a strange choice for the outdoors. Even stranger in the water.

Flotation. If your inflatable bouncy castle is more than a quarter of the size of a given lake, consider water wings instead.

Decorum. Pack out your trash, lest the water become a Lesser Great Pacific Garbage Patch—and that includes toilet paper, heathens.

Animals. Monitor your canid. We’re sure you have a great dog, and great dogs do not awaken sleeping strangers with a funky mist as they shake themselves dry. 

Multimedia. We are not consenting extras in your epic GoPro production.

Sex. PDA? W8!

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