↑ Upside

• The great thing about Death is that it can be outrun, outsmarted, defeated
• Releases natural endorphins when you tag gym visits on Facebook
• Completely cancels out your usual awful habits
• The President is against it, so it’s good for you
• Sweat is weakness leaving the body, according to expert T-shirts
• It’s been a couple of minutes—that’s good enough
• Dem gains

↓ Downside 

• Can’t fast-forward between sections of this training montage
• Better to store fat for nuclear winter
• Someone at gym watching the Food Network
• Bloated is a form of swole, after all
• Impossible to work out to mournful Portland indie music
• Goats not yet incorporated into all forms of physical activity
• Treadmill way too obvious as metaphor for futility
• Muscles are so gauche