The Shakedown

The Joys and Woes of Buying a House in Portland

Is homeownership all it's cracked up to be?

By Marty Patail March 27, 2018 Published in the April 2018 issue of Portland Monthly

0418 shakedown homeownership oajozm

↑ Upside

  • What else are you going to do with $600,000 in cash?
  • Home improvement opens up a huge world of things to fight about with your SO
  • Whatever mistakes you make, you’re still a better real estate investor than Trump
  • Portland’s final rite of passage: complaining about lack of on-street parking
  • That 1920s bungalow definitely just needs a couple splashes of paint
  • More space to hold your growing stack of mortgage documents
  • Ironclad, foolproof investment in a market that never, ever dips
  • If you like Twitter, you’ll love Nextdoor

↓ Downside 

  • Zoning, schools, sewers, lost pets: all issues you now have to pretend to care about
  • It’s everything you ever worked and saved for, and the basement leaks
  • Can’t rail against gentrification until after you move in
  • You’ll have to host all the BBQs for your apartment-dwelling friends
  • Rate of being asked “so when are you having kids?” quadruples
  • Cascadia Subduction Zone loses its whimsical side
  • They can find you
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