1. GLOBAL BACON SHORTAGE

Imagine no pork belly. Porklanders face this bleak propsect after the UK’s National Pig Association forecast declining herds. (The USDA confirmed that Midwest droughts mean fewer hogs.) Tremble, chefs. TRENDING  ↑

 2. MAYAN CALENDAR

The impending end of this ancient timescale (Dec 21) has so far caused only a terrible Roland Emmerich disaster movie. Still, with a few weeks left in the year, things could still go bad. Will TriMet raise fares again? TRENDING ↓

3. EVERY OTHER 2012 doomsday THEORY

New Agers! Alien watchers! Hopi prophecy people! Get off the Internet. Your time will soon expire. TRENDING ↓

4. Y2K

We predict a retro-hip revival of the doomsday scenario that had us cowering in ’99. Frankly, we’re nostalgic for a time when our biggest fear was that Windows might freeze up for good. TRENDING  ↑

5. THE BIG ONE

It’s definitely coming, according to researchers at Oregon State University, who say we’re due for a major quake in the next 50 years. How prepared are we? You’ll need more than that old Nalgene bottle in your fridge. TRENDING —

6. ZOMBIES

Nerds have fervently hoped for a zombie outbreak for years to bestow emergency relevance on their crossbow-building and leather-working hobbies. But with the CDC on record denying that zombies exist, this meme is doomed. TRENDING ↓

7. ZOMBIE BEES

Not only are these zombies actually real, they’re among us. Parasitic flies nest inside bees, causing them to lurch around before expiring. Reports indicate these undead insects have spread north from California to Washington. TRENDING  ↑