The Perfect Party: February 2014

A made-up mash-up of the month's most fascinating people, from a teenage fencing sensation to the Belmont Goats

Illustrations by Matty Newton February 3, 2014 Published in the February 2014 issue of Portland Monthly


We welcome a teenage fencing sensation whose quick blade won gold in junior World Cup competition this past fall. Now she’s weighing a choice between the Ivy League and the Olympics. Sage, anyone makes an early move for the dessert tray, en garde!

Grant Chisholm

Dust off an old chaise for this antiques shop proprietor who moonlights as an anti-gay, anti-Catholic, anti-everything street preacher. Grant, Leviticus aside, we need some help redecorating. Together, we can make this place look fabulous. 


The salad course (and everything else) may not suffice for inner Southeast’s most charismatic urban herd. Facing a move from their longtime lot to accommodate new development, the kids deserve a little dolce vita. Mind the carpet, everyone.


Green eggs and ham for the Multnomah County Library Foundation’s head, who received a $50,000 award for helping create a permanent, stable funding district for the library. Merris, there’s no good way to talk about funding districts, so use your library voice.

Richard Chartoff

Our first—and, we suspect, only—conversation topic will be led by this University of Oregon chemist, who won a $100,000 Gates grant to build a better condom. Richard, it’s the month of romance: if you can make synthetic polymers sexier, you deserve every penny.  

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