What’s the Deal with Dan Staton?
UPSIDE
Cleared of criminal wrongdoing!
Accused of bullying, but was nice enough to skip the noogies and purple nurples
Reportedly supports progressive fitness incentives (by making fun of employees’ weight)
Some of his best friends are women, so definitely can’t be sexist
The Philip Seymour Hoffman–Jim Gaffigan lovechild of our dreams
Leadership style: Joe Pesci
Dat chin tho
Click for the Downside >>
DOWNSIDE
Used discretionary funds on souped-up Dodge Charger that doesn’t even talk
4 percent of voters who didn’t choose him getting pretty smug
“No confidence” vote from union gotta be tough on self-esteem
In a buddy-cop movie, he’s the one telling the star to turn in their gun and badge
Rarely sidles up to saloon bar
If he were serious about Portland law enforcement, he’d shoot one of his friends while hunting already
<< Click for the Upside
Image: Courtesy Multnomah County Sheriff’s office, digitally altered by Portland Monthly
