The Shakedown

Should Portland Welcome the Southern Menace—a.k.a. Californians?

Welcome to Oregon. Please don’t stay. Or do?

By Marty Patail August 15, 2016 Published in the September 2016 issue of Portland Monthly


In-N-Outs for everyone!

“Hella” ripe for a postironic comeback

Creating more affordable housing by redefining what’s affordable

The Cascadia Subduction Zone demands sacrificial victims

Will continue Portland’s time-honored tradition of displacing inconveniently located communities

Can hopefully teach Oregon natives the zipper merge

Baldwins still moving here at manageable rate of only one per decade

Old Portland has never looked better since they started coming

You can pry Oakland native Damian Lillard from our cold, dead hands

Click for the Downside >>


Unsustainable strain on city’s Abercrombie & Fitch stores

We’ll ban them just until we figure out what‘s going on

Distracting us from the real enemy: the secessionist regime in Olympia. Retake Northern Oregon!

Xenophobia is kind of a civic brand at this point

Only if they bring enough trust fund for everyone

#pdxit now

If we pretend we’re not here, maybe they’ll just go away

OK, seriously, we can take two more but that’s it

<< Click for the Upside 

Photograph courtesy Shutterstock/Joseph Sohm, digitally altered by Portland Monthly

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