The Shakedown

2016: Sizing Up the Year That Can’t End Soon Enough

No, really. What was that?

By Marty Patail November 14, 2016 Published in the December 2016 issue of Portland Monthly

Pomo 1216 shakedown champagne glasses winlj8


Compared to 1347 AD this was nothing

If nothing else, so many David Bowie and Prince dance parties

Surely this scarred, dead-inside emotional numbness builds character

Giving millennials plenty of material to bore their eventual grandkids

We got to find out which friends and family members are definitely racist

Let’s be real: future generations have gotten too demanding

Another year of not paying arts tax

Click for the Downside >>
Pomo 1216 shakedown champagne glasses winlj8


No way to tell robots harvesting our body heat for energy to reboot simulation

Hawaiian poke trend sweeping Portland peaking too soon

Time is a flat circle

This chapter of history textbook unlikely to include the words “greatest generation”

No one left to correct Johnny Depp that, no, he wasn’t the best Willy Wonka

Improbable that we’ll all look back at this and laugh someday

Only matter of time until Jacobsen Salt has obligatory collab with Bundy family

<< Click for the Upside 

Photo courtesy Shutterstock/Karandaev, digitally altered by Portland Monthly.

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