The Shakedown

A Very Clear-Headed, Not-at-All-Cranky Appraisal of TriMet

See where this takes you.

By Marty Patail December 20, 2016 Published in the January 2017 issue of Portland Monthly

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At least the Portland Streetcar isn’t its fault

Provides rock solid late-to-work excuse

Overheard phone conversations keep you abreast of fellow citizens’ lives

Window condensation conveniently hides people enjoying solo commutes

Next MAX line will probably be “purple” or “pink”

Constantly innovating cutting-edge bus odors

Drivers seldom encourage group sing-alongs

With auto-updating arrival times in the agency’s app, buses are never late anymore

Click for the Downside >>
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Eye contact rarely finds middle ground between furtive and menacing

Awkward timing of pulling yellow cord, asking seat neighbor to let you out, and disembarking is impossible to get right

Daily reminder that those people blissfully reading thick library books are better than you

Bus windshield wipers appear to work on some sort of ancient hydraulic piston mechanism

Buses would move a lot faster with Mad Max–style plows

The last time hard drugs improved an Oregon bus experience, Ken Kesey was aboard

<< Click for the Upside 

Photo courtesy Shutterstock/Karandaev, digitally altered by Portland Monthly.

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