A Very Clear-Headed, Not-at-All-Cranky Appraisal of TriMet
UPSIDE
At least the Portland Streetcar isn’t its fault
Provides rock solid late-to-work excuse
Overheard phone conversations keep you abreast of fellow citizens’ lives
Window condensation conveniently hides people enjoying solo commutes
Next MAX line will probably be “purple” or “pink”
Constantly innovating cutting-edge bus odors
Drivers seldom encourage group sing-alongs
With auto-updating arrival times in the agency’s app, buses are never late anymore
Click for the Downside >>
DOWNSIDE
Eye contact rarely finds middle ground between furtive and menacing
Awkward timing of pulling yellow cord, asking seat neighbor to let you out, and disembarking is impossible to get right
Daily reminder that those people blissfully reading thick library books are better than you
Bus windshield wipers appear to work on some sort of ancient hydraulic piston mechanism
Buses would move a lot faster with Mad Max–style plows
The last time hard drugs improved an Oregon bus experience, Ken Kesey was aboard
<< Click for the Upside
Photo courtesy Shutterstock/Karandaev, digitally altered by Portland Monthly.
