↑ Upside

• Deliberate board decision-making process spans full length of any one child’s K–12 education
• History curriculum includes daily field trips to ancient, crumbling schools of the past
• Accommodating to many types of parents, from outraged to apoplectic
• Courageous Conversations program sorts everyone into Gryffindor
• Superintendent hiring process a solid reality show concept
• Short calendar encourages innovative homeschooling methods
• System’s inadequacies last only until graduation
• All 49,189 students to overcome the odds and succeed

↓ Downside 

• Weather closures protect the alpine dwellers of the precipitous west side
• Sort of like if Fast Times at Ridgemont High got a gritty Nolan reboot
• Scheduling clearly devised by someone who has never held a job
• Telling kids to “get the lead out” now has dark overtones
• Local Blanes still stealing hearts of local Andies
• Hard to blame Trump for the state of things
• All future teachers to be named Alexa