The Shakedown

Is Halloween Really All It's Cracked Up to Be?

Who's scared now?

By Marty Patail September 13, 2017 Published in the October 2017 issue of Portland Monthly

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↑ Upside

  • Orange-and-black-themed horror show second only to Oregon State’s football team
  • Bacterial soup used in “Dunking for Apples” strengthens community immune systems
  • Last calendar hurdle before we finally get Christmas commercials back
  • Begging door to door prepares children for future economy
  • Hell, witchcraft now viable climate change solution
  • We all wear masks, metaphorically speaking
  • All the little Wonder Women

↓ Downside 

  • Candy corn. WTF.
  • “Trick or treat!” now official US foreign policy
  • 2008-era Obama novelty masks just depressing
  • Even now, some Portlander making a batch of fruit leather to hand out
  • Overripe pumpkins put a Trump on every porch
  • Losing touch with its not-for-profit satanic roots
  • All the little Minions
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