The Shakedown

Dennis Richardson Is Oregon’s Most Powerful Republican. What’s His Deal?

We size up the super-dad Secretary of State.

By Marty Patail October 16, 2017 Published in the November 2017 issue of Portland Monthly

1117 shakedown dennis richardson fy3ohw

↑ Upside

  • Oversees our state elections, Russia’s most treasured democratic institution
  • First Republican to hold statewide office in years, but no presh bro
  • Exudes trustworthy, grandfatherly vibe of actor in Cialis commercial
  • Lives outside of Medford, where they keep the real Oregonians
  • So far, no endorsement from the president
  • Heroic China trade mission brushes aside petty bourgeois ethics concerns
  • His 31 grandchildren ensure youth vote locked up for years to come

↓ Downside 

  • On the other hand, huge crop of progeny ensures epic future power struggles for the Khaki Throne
  • Mike Pence basically bit his whole style
  • Wants to loosen restrictions on ballot measure signature gatherers, a.k.a. the Pestilence
  • Probably gonna blow the $500 he got from Trump for voter data on Werther’s
  • Complex plans to redistrict the state lack viable Tribute system
  • May never fulfill dream of wearing blue tie
  • Everyone forgot to take him out to lunch on Secretary’s Day
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