The Shakedown

Ermahgerd, It's Prom Season!!!

We size up everyone's favorite teenage rite of passage.

By Marty Patail April 24, 2018 Published in the May 2018 issue of Portland Monthly

0518 shakedown prom csrw8k

↑ Upside

  • Extremely important life milestone you will barely remember in 20 years
  • Carrie pig’s blood scene probably would be considered cool today
  • Pretty soon, you’ll never have to see these people again
  • If you don’t get asked you can say you’re just too woke to go
  • Get your suit game set for future weddings and court dates
  • Opportunity to lay a solid foundation of future regrets
  • At least you didn’t go with James Spader
  • Duckie gets lucky, and Blane still lame
  • Dresses so shiny!

↓ Downside

  • Prom kings, prom queens, but never a Prom Revolutionary Workers Collective Action Council
  • That thing the kids all talk about is an urban legend—you know what we mean
  • Smartphones mean you can’t blame Mom for those awkward photos that surface years later
  • The last time you’ll ride in a limousine without feeling guilty
  • You’re probably more Sherminator than Stifler
  • Black ties over dark shirts everywhere
  • Teen-written hashtags
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