The Shakedown

Ugh. It's Tourist Season in Portland.

Let's size up these annual summer invaders.

By Marty Patail May 22, 2018 Published in the June 2018 issue of Portland Monthly

0618 shakedown tourists dyblbd

↑ Upside

  • Out-of-town Powell’s browsers may be single-handedly saving print
  • Provide opportunities to stop talking, spit into spittoon, scratch needle off record when they walk in the bar
  • Lines at Voodoo detract attention from the real doughnut shops around town
  • Stray tourists can easily be herded into the Washington Park rose garden
  • Impeccable taste in local lifestyle magazines
  • The Unipiper’s only social safety net
  • Who else is gonna go to Saturday Market?

↓ Downside

  • Constantly performing some mysterious rite that involves milling about Pioneer Courthouse Square
  • All those clicking cameras might actually steal your soul over time
  • Strange resistance to figuring out one-way streets downtown
  • Artificially propping up Hawthorne Boulevard’s popularity
  • Frequently keeping it weirder than any Portlander
  • Holding up the lines at the dispensary
  • That BrewCycle
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