The Shakedown

What's the Deal with Portland Locals?

We've got some thoughts and feelings.

By Marty Patail August 3, 2018 Published in the Newcomer's Guide: 2018 issue of Portland Monthly

Image: Abbey Lossing

↑ Upside

  • Likely to have at least two karaoke songs prepared at all times just in case
  • Large groups can be dispersed just by saying “the Big One
  • Will interpret the phrase “formal attire” exceedingly liberally
  • Everyone has a ranked list of favorite strip clubs
  • Got here in 2005 right before you did
  • Keeping it weird

↓ Downside

  • Divided into three warring factions: Columbia, Patagonia, and North Face
  • Consider “Couch,” “Willamette,” and “Oregon” to be pronunciation land mines
  • You’re almost certainly doing something to annoy them
  • Becoming one means getting rid of your umbrella
  • Have way too strong opinions about pancakes
  • Will pressure you to go on a hike
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