The Shakedown

Good Riddance, 2018

We size up the year that even tried to take away your La Croix.

By Marty Patail November 20, 2018 Published in the December 2018 issue of Portland Monthly

↑ Upside

  • Europe tried to ban memes so they can’t claim the high road anymore
  • Ted Wheeler didn’t participate in the “In My Feelings” challenge
  • Wildfire smoke lent the city a sexy Blade Runner vibe
  • Russia didn’t demand too much of us new citizens yet
  • One year closer to the sweet release of death
  • They made a new iPhone I guess
  • Magazine journalism survived*
  • Divisible by 2

↓ Downside

  • Still three Portland restaurants left that haven’t been rebranded as wine bars
  • This column inspired only a handful of angry reader letters—it’s like you don’t even care
  • Trump stuff is even weirder than circa-2017-you could have imagined
  • Everyone forgot 20th anniversary of Armageddon
  • Failed to obtain foreign citizenship à la Meghan Markle
  • Results of 2018 midterms bad somehow, probably*
  • Electric scooters, amirite?

*As of press time. This issue went to press on Election Day.

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