The Shakedown

What's the Deal with Rain, Anyway?

We size up that drizzle from the sky.

By Marty Patail February 26, 2019 Published in the March 2019 issue of Portland Monthly

↑ Upside

  • Justifies the existence of otherwise useless mudrooms
  • Injects morning commutes with 200 percent more dashing
  • Significantly raises chances of a first-act meet-cute
  • Free, eco-friendly car wash service for the lazy
  • Puddles fun to jump in, we guess
  • Excellent with roses; not unlike whiskers on kittens
  • Cheaper than sunscreen
  • Trees

↓ Downside

  • The mother-in-law of meteorological effects: overstays welcome by a lot
  • Despite PR efforts of Big Galosh, rain boots never cute
  • Somehow manages to make local drivers even worse
  • Excuse for long-timers to trot out “Portlanders don’t use umbrellas” line again
  • No one—no one—knows where it comes from
  • Could be snow if it tried a bit harder
  • You are probably the reason God is crying
  • Acid
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