Slow Burn

The Hottest Gift This Holiday Season Is a Robert Mueller Devotional Candle

Let us pray to our Patron Saint of Plea Deals.

By Rebecca Jacobson December 11, 2018

What’s the hottest gift this holiday season? An L.O.L. Surprise doll? A Nintendo Switch? Fortnite llama swag?
No, you fool. It’s a Robert Mueller devotional candle.  
Behold: the Special Counsel’s sturdy face, looking zen AF. Now imagine: a flickering flame above him, ushering in indictments and flipping Trump cronies like Sunday-morning pancakes. As it burns, evidence of collusion mounts. It is all you could ever want, embellished with rhinestones.
These visionary creations are the handiwork of artist Clare Winter, who made them in collaboration with Portland store Cargo. They've been selling faster than plea deals, so Cargo is currently out (stay tuned for updates), but they can be found for $12–14 on Winter's website.
And when you're done offering prayers to our Patron Saint of Juicy Court Filings, don't fret: Ruth Bader Ginsburg longevity candles are up next. Hopefully with extra-fancy collars.
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