Jim Gaffigan, Portland, and Food: a Love Story?
Jim Gaffigan likes food. No wait—he loves it. So much so that America's palest comic has made gourmanderie (and its effects) the centerpiece of two books: 2013's Dad is Fat, and, this year, Food: a Love Story.
Based on what we know of the TV show star's predilections, we think Gaffigan—in town this Saturday for a show at the Schnitz—is really going to like it here.
Gaffigan: “Steak is the tuxedo of meat….Steak has its own knives. There are steakhouses. Steak gets its own house. There’s no tunahouse.” [Food: A Love Story]
Portland: Maybe swing by the Ringside after your show? Late-night steak bites for $3.95!
Gaffigan: “Just a pickle before it started drinking.” [Food: A Love Story]
Portland: We can pickle that.
Gaffigan: “Squeeze some lemon, a little hot sauce, throw it down the back of your throat, take a shot of vodka, and try and forget you ate a snot rocket. That's not how you eat something; that's how you overdose on sleeping pills.” [“Obsessed”]
Portland: Here, we shoot snot rockets from Washington's Willapa Bay, whenever we can get our shaky hands on 'em.
Gaffigan: “Hot dogs are like strippers; no one wants to know the back story.” [“Obsessed”]
Portland: Au contraire, mon frere! We carefully source only the finest hormone-free alfresco pork 'n' beef, extrude it locally, and then Momofuku-trained chefs clothe our dogs in lamb-braised borlotti beans, herbed bread crumbs, and/or togarashi.
Gaffigan: “You ever eat ice cream during the day? You're like, what are we, six years old? Did we just get our tonsils out? Why are there people around me? Shouldn't I be alone watching Lifetime?” [“Obsessed”]
Portland: The queue for Salt & Straw forms at dawn. It appears to be well-adjusted?
Gaffigan: “People talk about kale like it's a band: 'Have you heard that new album by kale?'”
Portland: Uh-oh. We have a sneaking feeling that you're going to destroy us.
Jim Gaffigan performs July 18 at 7 pm and 9:30 pm at the Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall.