The Shakedown

What's the Deal with Reading?

We size up our bookish habits.

By Marty Patail October 23, 2019 Published in the November 2019 issue of Portland Monthly


Dropping something in front of bespectacled hottie in bookstore still a top-5 meet-cute

Skimming 15,000-word New Yorker piece still the only path to true knowledge

No longer common practice to draw phalluses in the margins like in medieval times

Subtitles the only way to figure out what the hell they’re saying on Peaky Blinders

Books easier to arrange by color than memes

Less addictive than Ambien

In a pinch, books make decent iPad stands



No matter what you do, you’ll eventually stumble across erotic Harry Potter fanfic

Won’t really be necessary after The Mandalorian drops on Disney+

Symbologists still haven’t figured out the purpose of the semicolon

Increasingly necessary to learn definitions of words like “yeet”

Books never tell you if there are compatible singles in your area

Sentences constantly being replaced by new ones

Dangerous gateway to bird-watching

Letter e kinda played out


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