Sandwich Headline Puns That Could Have Been

A behind-the-scenes look at groan-worthy sandwich issue titles that didn't make the cut.

By Portland Monthly Staff March 4, 2014

We went with a pretty straightforward headline for our look at Portland's game-changing sandwich options: The Elements of Sandwich. It's clear, it gets across what we're talking about, and indulges our secret hope that someone might someday pen a guide to sandwich compendium as thorough and well-regarded as William Strunk Jr. and E. B. White's 1918 American English style guide. 

But that's not to say that there weren't plenty of  headlines that were left behind. Now, we present you, our dear readers, with a list of some of the book-themed options that didn't make it to (panini) press.

Fifty Shades of Grey Poupon
The Sandwich on the Rye
The Lamb-Shank Redemption
Sometimes a Great Sandwich
Silence of the Ham
Alice in Wonderbread
Tess of the Burgervilles
A Thousand Splendid Subs
Infinite Jus
Zen and the Art of Mortadella
Love in the Time of Ciabatta
The Panini Shop on the Left Bank  
For Whom the BLT Tolls
To Have and Have Not a Pickle
The Taking of Po' Boy 123
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Toast
Pippi Hamhocking
Waiting for The Dough
The Old Ham and the Brie
20,000 Meats Under the Brie
Grilled Expectations
Reuben Hood
The Crust of Monte Cristo
The Swiss Cheese Family Robinson
One Hundred Years of Salami
The Adventures of Huckleberry Jam
Electric Kool-Aid Aioli Test
James and the Giant PB&J
All the Kings Marmite
The Po-boy Only Rings Twice
Brave New Wurst
Lord of the Falafels
The Heart is a Lonely Hamburger
Tender is the Meat
A Reuben of One's Own
Don Chipotle
The Gyro's Journey
In Cold Blood Sausage

And lastly, a book that should be about sandwiches... but isn't.

Things Fall Apart

 Think you can outdo our sandwich puns? Share your own in the comments below!

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