The Shakedown

The Shakedown on Starbucks

Does the mermaid measure up?

By Marty Patail February 20, 2017 Published in the March 2017 issue of Portland Monthly

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↑ Upside

  • It’s really just coffee and milk, not a cultural statement
  • And yet you can annoy people by going there, so ...
  • One place where your name will be called with at least some enthusiasm
  • Orders filled fast enough to avoid being seen by cool friends
  • Dominated on Battlestar Galactica! (Wait, what?)
  • Her shining crown serves as a beacon of nobility in Strip Mall America
  • Small people now able to say they’re actually “tall”

↓ Downside

  • Pumpkin Spice Lattes—the Uggs of the coffee world
  • Does not meet general Portland threshold for tattoos and pour-overs
  • A visit can accidentally evoke the collected wisdom of Howard Schultz
  • Petite vanilla scones not yet required to carry addiction warning
  • Those times when you walk in and realize it’s the sketchy Starbucks
  • Yuge is the new Venti
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